Upcoming trips (as of September 2006)

Here is the September list of potential nights out, weekend breaks and holidays. As with July and August some are suggestions, some are booked and others will fall by the wayside. Please leave any other ideas via the comments option. Most will be messy.

Trip: Snowboarding, Castleford
Date: A Sunday in September
Confirmed characters: Jarv, Cherry, Thomas (also a certain unnamed buzzard dating!)
Purpose of visit: Lessons for Cherry and Thomas. Hopefully the chance to sit in the gallery, drinking Kronenburg Blanc, and watching Cherry fall on his ass' a few times (well he did last time).
Bonkers *, Booze *, Birds *

Trip: Hull FC v Catalans Dragons
Date: Sunday 2nd of September
Confirmed characters: Mint, Jarv. More than likely Martin, Kelly and Noel
Purpose of visit: Sunday afternoon visit to Wetherspoons for a few pints of cheap "Black Sheep" and then a wander down to the KC Stadium..
Bonkers *, Booze *, Birds *

Trip: Newquay area, Cornwall (Looking pretty much cancelled)
Date: 2nd week in September
Confirmed characters: Possibly nobody!
Purpose of visit: Surfing, surfing and pissing off some Aussies hopefully.
Bonkers **, Booze **, Birds **

Trip: Various (due to possible cancel of above)
Date: 2nd week in September
Confirmed characters: None
Purpose of visit: All sorts of stuff in the week. Fishing. Snowboarding at Cas'. Surfing in Scarborough. "Shopping" trip to Leeds. If possible trips to Warrington and/or Wigan overnight for rugby. More info available if interested.
Bonkers *, Booze *, Birds *

Trip: Yorkshire Wolds Way (section 3)
Date: A Saturday/Sunday in September depending on football
Confirmed characters: Jarv and Mint
Purpose of visit: Third section of the Yorkshire Wolds Way from Market Weighton to either Huggate or Fridaythorpe (plus apres hike!)
Bonkers -, Booze *, Birds -

Trip: Rugby - potentially Leeds v Hull
Date: 6th/7th of October.
Confirmed characters: None
Purpose of visit: Leeds v Hull play off game - to be confirmed, dependant on results etc. Hotel booked just in case but can be cancelled.
Bonkers *, Booze **, Birds *

Trip: Rugby League Grand Final, Manchester
Date: w/e 14th of October
Confirmed characters: None
Purpose of visit: Possible Grand Final appearance. Hotel booked but can be cancelled. Another trip down Canal Street for 2 of the characters perhaps??
Bonkers *, Booze ***, Birds *

Trip: Rugby League - England v Samoa
Date: Sunday the 5th of November
Confirmed characters: None
Purpose of visit: England v Samoa at the KC Stadium, Hull (and afternoon session)
Bonkers -, Booze *, Birds *

Trip: Newcastle night out / Kasabian
Date: Friday 8/12
Confirmed characters: None - just a suggestion.
Purpose of visit: Concert and/or night out. Please express interest quickly if you fancy it - tickets and hotels will book up very soon. Trip would be by train.
Bonkers *, Booze **, Birds *

Trip: Copenhagen for New Years Eve (Confirmed and booked)
Date: Dec 29th arrive Copenhagen, stay Malmo and then to Copenhagen and leave 2nd of Jan.
Confirmed characters: Jarv, Mint, Fishcake and Blobby
Purpose of visit: First night is booked for Malmo (Swedish girls) and then onto Copenhagen (that’s right - Danish girls).
Bonkers *, Booze **, Birds ***

Trip: London Superbowl party
Date: February 4th, 2007
Confirmed characters: None
Purpose of visit: All night session at a Superbowl party..
Bonkers *, Booze **, Birds *

Trip: Snowboarding "somewhere" (Now looking a bit like Bulgaria!)
Date: 2007
Confirmed characters: Possible Jarv and SuperSub. Looking for an extra character.
Purpose of visit: Some snowboarding. Destroy hotel room, dance with Swedish chav's, spitroast Dutch (female) ski instructor, generally piss of skiers, dance to Eurocrap and have possible naked incident in health spa. Update - the current status of this trip is unknown. Trip could be postponed or moved later into the year.
Bonkers ***, Booze ***, Birds **

Trip: Super League Weekend, Cardiff
Date: May bank holiday weekend, 2007
Confirmed characters: None
Purpose of visit: Rumour of all Super League games to be played in one weekend at Millenium Stadium. Have made a Travelodge booking for one room that can be cancelled (2 nights in Cardiff) and also another for Bristol on the Friday night if needed. All of this weekend to be confirmed. Would even recomend the Rovers fans to make a booking...
Bonkers **, Booze ***, Birds **

Trip: Hull FC away game, South of France
Date: TBC but 2007
Confirmed characters: More than likely Jarv and Mint
Purpose of visit: Hull FC away game. Date of game yet to be confirmed. Type of trip could be anything from a single weekend away to Mint wanting to hire a feckin canal boat for the week. Should also point out a trip would also be made if Rovers get into Super League - 2 characters will be in the Catalan end however.
Bonkers *, Booze ***, Birds *

Wolds Way (South Cave to Market Weighton)

Any town that's only claim to fame is some rather large bloke is going to be crap and the intrepid hikers found this to be the case with Market Weighton on this second leg of The Wolds Way. Full reports of this enjoyable walk (and the mess now known as Apres Hike) however can be found on the Cranswick Walking Club Blog.
The third part of the walk (Market Weighton to roughly Fridaythorpe) may be attempted next Saturday the 2nd of September.
Finally just to confirm that as of 3AM this morning Jarv summertime is officially over.

Wolds Way (Hessle to South Cave)

Just to prove the "Cranswick Walking Club" was not a flash in the pan two developments have to be reported. Firstly 2 of the 3 founding members of the club, Jarv & Mint, completed the first section Saturday August the 19th. Secondly a sub blog has been created for fuller reporting on such jaunts - Cranswick Walking Club Blog.

Although the full report can be found on the CWC Blog the walk took around 4 hours to complete and turned out to be longer than the characters thought - mostly down to some bad maths on the part of the council by 2 miles! Apart from the scenery the highlight was possibly Welton for the Green Dragon Inn and a buzzarding incident with a young lady from the village hairdressing salon. Also Mint found a number of locations (and a tent) to take his Bev when he finally pops round for a coffee!

Upcoming trips (as of August 2006)...

Here is the August list of potential nights out, weekend breaks and holidays. As with July some are suggestions, some are booked and others will never see the light of day. Please leave any other ideas via the comments option.

Trip: Snowboarding, Castleford
Date: Sunday 27th of August
Confirmed characters: Jarv, Cherry, Thomas
Purpose of visit: Lessons for Cherry and Thomas. Hopefully the chance to sit in the gallery, drinking Kronenburg, and watching Cherry fall on his ass' a few times. At least he’s not a skier - good lad.
Bonkers *, Booze *, Birds *

Trip: Cranswick Walking Club camping trip (Yorkshire)
Date: Possibly the first weekend in September
Confirmed characters: None
Purpose of visit: Due to the success of the first camping trip it was felt another trip was in order before the end of summer if possible. The trip would likely be cut short due to Hull playing at home on the Sunday so likely to be to a North Yorkshire venue to get back in time.
Bonkers *, Booze *, Birds *

Trip: Newquay area, Cornwall
Date: 2nd week in September
Confirmed characters: Jarv etc.
Purpose of visit: Surfing, surfing and pissing off some Aussies hopefully.
Bonkers **, Booze **, Birds **

Trip: Yorkshire Wolds Way (section 2)
Date: A Saturday/Sunday in October depending on football
Confirmed characters: Jarv and Mint
Purpose of visit: Second section of the Yorkshire Wolds Way from South Cave to Nunburnholme
Bonkers -, Booze *, Birds -

Trip: Rugby - potentially Leeds v Hull
Date: 6th/7th of October.
Confirmed characters: None
Purpose of visit: Leeds v Hull play off game - to be confirmed, dependant on results etc. Hotel booked but can be cancelled.
Bonkers *, Booze **, Birds *

Trip: Rugby League Grand Final, Manchester
Date: w/e 14th of October
Confirmed characters: None
Purpose of visit: Possible Grand Final appearance. Hotel booked but can be cancelled.
Bonkers *, Booze ***, Birds *

Trip: Rugby League - England v Samoa
Date: Sunday the 5th of November
Confirmed characters: None
Purpose of visit: England v Samoa at the KC Stadium, Hull (and afternoon session)
Bonkers -, Booze *, Birds *

Trip: Newcastle night out / Kasabian
Date: Friday 8/12
Confirmed characters: None - just a suggestion.
Purpose of visit: Concert and/or night out. Please express interest quickly if you fancy it - tickets and hotels will book up very soon. Trip would be by train.
Bonkers *, Booze **, Birds *

Trip: Copenhagen for New Years Eve (Confirmed and booked)
Date: Dec 29th arrive Copenhagen, stay Malmo and then to Copenhagen and leave 2nd of Jan.
Confirmed characters: Jarv, Mint, Fishcake and Blobby
Purpose of visit: First night is booked for Malmo (Swedish girls) and then onto Copenhagen (that’s right - Danish girls).
Bonkers *, Booze **, Birds ***

Trip: London Superbowl party
Date: February 4th, 2007
Confirmed characters: None
Purpose of visit: All night session at a Superbowl party..
Bonkers *, Booze **, Birds *

Trip: Snowboarding "somewhere"
Date: 2007
Confirmed characters: Possible Jarv and SuperSub. Looking for an extra character.
Purpose of visit: Some snowboarding. Destroy hotel room, dance with Swedish chav's, spitroast Dutch (female) ski instructor, generally piss of skiers, dance to Eurocrap and have possible naked incident in health spa. Update - the current status of this trip is unknown. Trip could be postponed or moved later into the year.
Bonkers ***, Booze ***, Birds **

Trip: Hull FC away game, South of France
Date: TBC but 2007
Confirmed characters: More than likely Jarv and Mint
Purpose of visit: Hull FC away game. Date of game yet to be confirmed. Type of trip could be anything from a single weekend away to Mint wanting to hire a feckin canal boat for the week.
Bonkers *, Booze ***, Birds *

Trip blog - Pooley Bridge 12/8/2006

Day two of the adventure started early for Mint. Not only had my purchase of some anti-snoring spray been a waste of £3.99 but also a crow had decided it was going to have an early start. Mint did however find a way to entertain himself for an hour or so although its questionable as to whether the "love shack" was designed for such behavior. Needless to say some of the noises coming from the said shack were hardly the wake up call Jarv and Mr. Simms expected at that time of the morning. One positive however was the lack of any great hangover for the members of the "Walking Club" and with Mint now known as "the Swedish Chef" a satisfactory cooked breakfast was quickly rustled up thanks to the trusty George Formby grill.

The founding members of the walking club then actually did some walking. Catching the 11:15AM ferry from Pooley Bridge to Howtown the walk started at around midday and with Mint the mountain goat playing a pathfinder role a quick pace soon developed. At around 2:30PM the party finally arrived at the White Lion pub in Patterdale. With little more than a mile to go the walk wasn’t actually complete so après hike had not officially started. Soon finding themselves in the beer garden of a Glenridding bar however at the end of the walk après soon kicked in. A couple of further drinks on the ferry back to Pooley Bridge ensured a rush to the nearest pub toilets on return. A quick pint was also downed here until Mint got in a huff because it was a chain pub and wanted to smach up the establishment. A quick visit to The Sun for a Cumberland sausage was the final order of the après day.

After deciding that après hike was the new après ski the boys decided to nip back to the tent to finish off some (Mints) carrot cake. On returning out in Brokeback Mountain style clothing the night was still young. The night had a bit of everything from why Wasps make honey to the merits of France selling missiles to Argentina. Now on the Stella Mint decided that the time had arrived to go from Owl to Condor status with the ladies. Early doors this looked to have paid of dividends with the bagging of a couple of ladies, one from Scotland and (unfortunately as it turned out) one from the north of Ireland.

The blog ends at this point but only to say that due to the foot Mint kicks with there isn’t going to be a wedding in Northern Ireland anytime soon. Part of this process also involved the blog master to end up in a tent which had seemingly been let down during an early morning raid.

Final scoring for this event was as follows -
Bonkers **, Booze **, Birds **

Trip blog - Pooley Bridge 11/8/2006

Friday the 11th of August. Pooley Bridge. Cumbria.

Having arrived at Pooley Bridge at around 8PM it was no surprise to find the other members of the "Cranswick Walking Club" already downing pints at the Pooley Bridge Inn. Having previously given the possible markings for this trip it became quite clear in the P.B.I. beer garden that the one star predicted scores for booze and birds were going to be far too low.

A quick return to the camp site was required at this point to check the quality of workmanship that had taken place on the erection of the Jarv tent and also to inflate the technically advanced blow up bed. This turned out to be a bit of a mixed bag. The real surprise was the quality of workmanship that had taken place putting up the tents - however even a Generation Game 8/10 mark did not go down well with the 2 characters involved. The worlds most technically advanced blow up bed however was less of a success. Reliant on batteries it tends to work better when these aren’t flat. Half an hour later the bed resembled a recently emptied water bed and was quickly declared unsuitable for human sleeping. The only hope at this point for even half a nights decent sleep was resting on being the lucky buzzard who was awarded the "love shack" - the 1 man tent sold to Mint as a 3 man by perhaps the world’s best salesman.

On returning to the village after the visit to the camp site "The Sun" became the venue of choice with a few pints of "Cumbrian Ale" quaffed. On entering the said premises some buzzarding did occur and this was to come back and haunt the various members of the trip in the early hours of Sunday morning. A return to the Pooley Bridge provided the last pint of the night as last orders were well and truly called at 11PM. Although this may have seemed a negative it was in fact far from it as Mint had already mentioned having a Vodka & Red bull. On return to the camp site it was no surprise to find the Super Sub/Mint combination dancing like Bezz to some Manc music in the communal area of the tent. Thankfully tiredness got the better of them and despite the "love shack" having no love the night was deemed a success.

Rugby League playoffs (as we stand)

In the interests of drinking days and possible nights away I have decided to blog the Super League playoffs as they stand. I will change this as we go into the final games of the season and the standings change (4th edit - Saturday 99). With 1 game now to go I have included what the playoffs look like based on each team winning because of their current position (i.e. 1st would win against 2nd, 2nd would win against 3rd etc.) and also based on what I currently think the table and playoffs will finish like. My rankings are now proved to be wrong as we watch Saints stuffing Leeds, Hull now finish second. Hull now visit Warrington (Sunday) with "nothing to play for".

As we stand then then the current rankins are as follows - 1: St Helens, 2: Hull, 3: Leeds, 4: Bradford, 5: Salford, 6: Warrington. My final prediction at the moment is a little different - 1: St Helens, 2: Leeds, 3: Hull, 4: Bradford, 5: Warrington, 6: Salford.

So at the moment the playoffs fall as follows (I dont know which game is on the Friday or Saturday yet) -

w/e 22nd/23rd of September
Match A - 3rd place V 6th place
As we stand - Leeds V Warrington; My prediction - Hull V Salford (Hull win)
Match B - 4th place V 5th place
As we stand - Bradford V Salford; My prediction - Bradford V Warrington (Bradford win)

w/e 29th/30th of September
Match C - 1st v 2nd place
As we stand - St Helens V Hull; My prediction - St Helens V Leeds (St Helens win)
Match D - winner of A v winner of B
As we stand - Leeds V Bradford; My predicition - Hull V Bradford (Hull win)

w/e 7th/8th of October
Match E - looser of C v winner of D
As we stand - Hull V Leeds; My predicition - Leeds V Hull (Leeds win)

w/e 14th of October
Grand Final, Old Trafford - winner of C v winner of E
As we stand - St Helens V Hull; My prediction - St Helens V Leeds (St Helens win)

Therefore based on the various possibilities we have possible sessions in Hull and maybe in Leeds or Manchester. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks games and dates will become a little clearer.

Yorkshire Wolds Way (part one plan)

So it looks like we have a date for the attempt at the first part of the "Yorkshire Wolds Way". As it stands this is Saturday the 19th of August. Hopefully if we get a leg out of the way in August we can still complete the other four sections before winter proper arrives. For reference its also Mints 37th birthday (which puts him older than me) around that weekend which affects the route a little in the respect that a couple of drink stops may have to be made.

Starting at Hessle Haven we head to our destination of South Cave. As its Mint's birthday a couple of short detours can possibly be made into Welton (Green Dragon) and Brantingham (Triton Inn). With these potential slight detours the route should be just over 13 miles in length. Unfortunately as the official driver for the day I wont be able to partake in the said beer drinking but its worth noting a couple will also be downed at the Fox & Coney in South Cave where we shall be having an impromptu birthday meal.

For reference the night of the 19th is looking like a Scarborough night out. As Tarzan is supposedly organising the said event don’t expect information anytime soon.

Summer surfing (you can keep it)..

Summer surfing. Driving down to the beach, windows down, Jack Johnson on the player. A chance to wear those Billabong boardies you bought rather than that wetsuit the Michelin man would be proud of. Birds in bikinis. Water you could have a bath in. Maybe on the North shore of Hawaii but let me tell you to forget it if you visit the northern coast of England.
Lets get one thing straight - at any time of year their are plenty more reasons NOT to surf than to surf. Drowning, being eaten by a shark, catching some sort of disease and/or ear infection / hair dropping out (delete as applicable) from some sort of waterborne infection being small examples.
Its not like we get a lot of surf up here in summer. A look on the map will show why. The North Sea is small. Unlike resorts in say Devon and Cornwall which face the Atlantic we pretty much have to wait for some fairly localised bad weather to produce the stuff. Unlike us it doesn’t matter if its red hot in the South West as long as the weather is crap off the coast of North America as the swell is then coming your way.
Having endured sleepless nights as the UK sweltered in the hottest July ever trips to the coast showed a scene reminiscent of the Caribbean - blue seas without a wave in sight. A turn in the weather however (read sleepless nights because its now too cold, wind, torrential rain and yes hailstone) meant a quick check on the swell forecast web site MagicSeaWeed. The swell forecast for Scarborough had been showing up at around 1 foot pretty constantly for the last 6 weeks but Thursday the 3rd of August showed over 8 foot.
So board attached I headed to work (on the coast) and made a brief foray out at dinner to check conditions. Cayton Bay still looked like the Carribean - with a hurricane. 3-5 foot waves and "messy". A trip to Filey was more productive in more ways than one. Due to its protection from "the Brigg" it was 2 foot and clean. In fact a handful of surfers were already in action. Not only that but a small amount of buzzarding reaped rewards with a sly smile from a female lifeguard. To counter this however was a disturbing sign at the life guard station - "Danger: Weever Fish". The Aussies and South Africans may talk up the dangers of being attacked by a shark but us Brits have to face up to the much more likely confrontation with this little critter. Yes when the seas warm up on our coastline the Weever fish decide to come in shore. Buried in the sand it allows its venomous dorsal fin to poke out waiting for the unsuspecting. Research on the Internet gave little comfort. "Death is extremely rare" was the encouraging opening salvo. "although respiratory failure and gangrene have been reported" was hardly a comforting footnote. If symptoms was bad methods for recovery hardly made good reading – “although paracetamol may work the best option is to put your recently stung foot in boiling water.”

Arriving in the car on Scarborough sea front my first problem was getting changed. It’s hard in winter – its cold and wet for a start. But I will swap that for some lady from west Yorkshire staring at me and choking on her battered sausage as I try and get into my swimming shorts.
Based on the fact it was August I decided to give the hood, gloves and booties a miss. The latter proved to be the biggest mistake in and out of the water. Avoiding grit and glass I finally managed to make it to the beach. Stepping into the water I soon realised I had made a mistake. The water in fact seemed no warmer than January. Oh well at least the Weaver fish might be confused. In truth I should have known better. The water in August still isn’t that warm - because water takes longer to heat up than the land it can be it at warmest in October and its coldest in spring.
My first run was a disaster in a number of ways. Catching a fast wave I knew within a second I wasn’t physically capable of the job in hand. Not only had I injured my ankle ligaments a couple of weeks ago playing football (see SuperSubs scribblins for more info) I had for some reason gone into the North Sea and attempted a sport that was probably more physically demanding than football anyway . Added to this I soon realised my feet must be teflon coated and nowhere near as sticky as my booties when trying to connect to my board. Falling back onto the board I then somehow managed to weight down the front and pearl it. Pearling is easy. All you have to do is manage to put the nose of your surfboard under water causing it to slow down and therefore bring the back of your board (and you) in front of it. Surfacing some distance nearer to the shore things were surely looking up - I had surfaced only metres away from a pretty girl. Unfortunately tangled in leash and now sporting a seaweed wig the only smile I got was one of sympathy. Not concentrating I then fell for the old trick made famous by the Christmas theatre cry "its behind you". In this case a "pounder" - a hard breaking wave that knocked me another few yards nearer the beach.
It was then that the taste of the water struck me. It was foul. That’s the problem when it hasn’t rained for a while. As soon as the rain arrives it washes all the crap from surroundings cliff and roads into the water.

So basically a bit of a disaster. All the hard work done in spring and its back to the drawing board.

I repeat - Summer surfing - you can keep it.